If its brown, flush it down

It is so aptly stated, Shit Happens. This colloquialism can cover a range of meanings in life but in the end, it’s inevitable, shit will happen.  In Harley’s case it will happen every couple of days. My friend once commented that I am not abashed to talk about pooing, farting, burping or another bodily function.  I think when you have to clean mud pies off someone else frequently enough, you’d become desensitised too.

Harley’s bodily function has long been the topic of hilarity in our house hold.

Take for instance the time mum found a small semi deflated blue balloon in his nappy. How it had passed through his digestive track and come out the other side intact remains a mystery. How he swallowed it in the first place and not choked could have been the feature on the TV show, Unsolved Mysteries.

Or take the time when he had really bad constipation and when he finally went he clogged up Grandmas toilet. Imagine four grown adults standing around a toilet trying to work out the physics and engineering to get the gargantuan thing to flush before grandma got home. Let’s just say Grandma was less than impressed when it took a whole day to finally go down.

Our holiday house was 9 hours from Sydney and not a family trip went by where Harley didn’t do a poo in the car on the way there. One of my most vivid memories was sitting in the back of our 8 seater van, watching Harley as he screwed up his face and pushed. Us kids thought it was hilarious. Harley thought it was hilarious. He always laughs when he does a poo. I think he knows he’ll be the one having the last laugh at us.

In our house hold we always pray that Harley will poo when his on somebody else’s watch. Be it another sibling, Mum or Dads. We secretly rejoice when we pick him up from day care and they so politely say “he did a big one today.” It means it will be at least another three days before another.

Harley isn’t toilet trained. As a child my Mum worked with therapists to try and establish some sort of toileting routine. Mum isn’t one of those people to stick to something when it gets a bit difficult and I think raising six kids at the time, she was a little short of time to worry about it. In hindsight she regrets this decision. It is one thing to change a toddlers nappy, it’s another to change a six foot 85 kilogram mans. Imagine if you had to wear a nappy?

Whenever Harley relieves himself he has to be showered. I’m going to let you use your imagination when thinking about what it looks like to meadow muffin your pants. My eldest brother describes cleaning poo out of Harleys bum as violating for both parties- you have to stick your heavily gloved hand in there and scrub it off. Almost like a scissoring effect.  

With that imagery I warn you, this won’t be the last we discuss this topic. After all Shit happens.