All that is missed

My sister’s having a baby. It has been the most exciting and anticipated news in our house hold as of late, even though we are watching her progress from another continent. The little affectionately known sproglette will be the first grandchild, I’ll be an aunty and Harley will be an Uncle. 

No matter how many times I hold up the picture of my sister and her burgeoning belly, Harley doesn’t see what that title should mean to him.  He won’t be able to cuddle it and appreciate that new baby smell. He’ll spit at it, but can he kiss it? Everyone will be on eggshells when they are near each other, not knowing how Harley will behave. He has a love of bear hugs, and it doesn’t matter what’s in the way of him and his target. 

I’m getting off topic. The new baby has just got me thinking about all the things Harley will miss out on and all the things he has missed out on already. Our family is very close on my Mother’s side. We spend each summer passing the time by going to music festivals. At any given time there’ll be nine of us dancing away and drinking in the sunshine, and when people ask who we are there with, we unashamedly introduce them to our friends who are our cousins and siblings. 

Harley misses out on this. He can’t come to music festivals with us. Nor was he able to come snowboarding when my three siblings and I went. He wasn’t able to travel with my brothers last year when they starred in their own two month Japanese version of The Hangover. He won’t be able to pick up his bag like me and say, I’m off and I’ll see you in six months. A credit card bill will never faze him. He’ll eternally be the passenger in the car. He won’t experience the excitement of his first date. He’ll never be his brother’s best man. He won’t have kids. He won't be able to take his niece to the Zoo on his own.

I try not to think about it, because it breaks my heart. I know it breaks my Mum’s heart too. I see it in her eye’s every now and then, when she doesn’t think anyone notices. It usually happens when something significant is happening in our lives, that of my brothers and sisters or my parents. My mum looks at him. That crack appears on her perfectly formed smile and her eyes flicker ever so slightly as it creeps into her thoughts. She’s happy, for us but she knows this is just another thing Harley will miss out on. I’m not a parent; I don’t know how that feels for her. 

There is a lot Harley has experienced though. He knows love from a family. He will always be taken care of. He has a sixth sense for the good people in life and for those who have unkind souls. Harley has to experience the world in a different way. I know he understands everything that is going on. He just can’t tell Mum to piss off when she insists on dressing him in pink shirts and man sandals. 

Today’s blog wasn’t intended to be so affecting. I just want you to know, that everything you do in your life no matter how great or bad it is- you have the choice to do it. So keep calm and carry on.