lets spit on it

When Harley was younger he had a terrible spitting problem. He would spit to get your attention. He would spit to annoy you. He would spit just for the hell of it. Thankfully he grew out of this sociably unacceptable behaviour. Until now. Since having his wisdom teeth out he has developed the habit again, rising out of the depths of his glands with a vengeance.

We try to ignore it with the idea that he’ll grow tired and stop doing it. So far he’s not bored. He spits day and night. He spits at the dog. He spits at his carers. He spits at strangers. He spits at Mum and Dad. And he spits at me.

So today I snapped. Why not fight fire with fire? Or in his case saliva with saliva. I was standing in the kitchen and swung around face to face with Harley. In a clear instant and with no time to protect myself, he shoots a giant loogie into my eye. How he got me with such precision is commendable however the fact that it was my eye breaks that little bit of patience I have remaining. With the thick slobber dribbling from my lashes, I dig deep into my throat drawing out as much moisture as I can. Before he can run away I grab both his arms and hold him so we are once again face to face. I purse my lips and spit. It sails through the air in one complete blob and smacks into the side of his cheek. He looks at me stunned. I jut my chin at him and think victory is finally mine.

As I turned to walk away triumphantly, I hear the familiar pfft of his lips and feel the warm watery spray. Furious and defiant I turn and spit again. He retaliates. I retaliate. Him. Me. Him. Me. With Mum watching in the wings, no one is backing down. Back and forth it flies. He mocks me by laughing hysterically. Maybe he is laughing because he knows I won’t last longer than him. I start to weaken. I’m a rookie at this spitting business, Harley is a pro. The pro. I’m disgusted and defeated. I walk away, knowing I haven’t felt the last of this.

Now as I write this blog, Harley is perched around the corner waiting for me to emerge. Almost primordial he leans his head into my room and spits asserting his alpha dominance. He shuffles back toward the banister of the stairs, I know he waiting for me to walk underneath it so he has his chance at an aerial attack.